"The Right Time of the Night..."

The continuing story of what happened after I stopped blogging earlier this year:

     Since my novel Mini Skirts and Laughter Lines became popular with the media I have been enjoying considerable media attention. Following as series of articles about growing old disgracefully which I wrote and sent to various magazines I was invited back to BBC Radio Stoke which was where I had my very first radio interview.

      The last interview there didn’t go too well and I still cringe about some of my comments but I must have been entertaining enough because the DJ  let me back into his studio to discuss the new novel and issues surrounding growing older. Not only did he keep me chatting on air for almost forty-five minutes but I was given a coffee and a lemon cupcake. Unfortunately, I made the microphone all sticky thanks to the cake. He even promised to have me back to discuss newspaper headlines on the breakfast show in the near future.

     I’ve been becoming quite a celebrity on a whole bunch of radio shows in the States too. I was on Seattle Sunrise and WHAS, A Touch of Grey and The Good Health Show to mention but a few. The whole experience has been very enjoyable.

     There is only one difficulty with radio shows in the States and that is the time difference. Changing EST or PST into GMT is problematical, especially if like me, you still need your fingers to do complicated maths.  A couple of weeks ago I received an excited email from the producer of a popular radio show in Canada. Veronica, the hostess had read my book, loved it and wanted to talk all about Grumpy Old Men and Irritable Male Syndrome. Well, who better to discuss grumpy old men? I have a perfect example of grumpiness living here full-time. I sent back an email confirming that I would love to do the interview. It was to be at 11am PST.

     I got my calculator out and worked out that that would be about 3pm. No problems. I could manage that. Veronica would phone me on my mobile at 3pm and we would have a 'good old natter' on the show. She was very pleased I had agreed to do the interview and was setting up all the publicity beforehand so I got a fair promotion.

     The day of the interview I thought I’d better check out her show to make sure I was prepared for the type of question she would ask. I logged on to the appropriate site and discovered that it went out, not at 11am as I thought, but at 11pm. It was an adult show only. That meant I would be on air at 3am my time! Well, I could hardly tell Hubby about it. First, he would tell me off for making such a dumb mistake and then he would tell me to cancel the interview. I couldn’t do that. Veronica was expecting me to be at the end of the phone.

     I did what any media hunting author would do. I waited for Hubby to go to sleep and then tip-toed out to my office to await her call. I shut the door and kept myself gainfully occupied by playing Bubble Shooter and Angry Birds. My eyelids drooped. Good thing this was radio. I had the face for radio.

     3am my phone vibrated – cleverly I had taken off the ringtone so as not to disturb Hubby. An exuberant voice filled my ear. 

     “Hi there. Carol? This is Stuart, Veronica’s assistant. Are you all ready for your interview?”

     “Yes,” I whispered.

     “Can’t quite hear you Carol. You need to speak up a little. Is the line bad there?” yelled Stuart so loudly that I thought even my neighbours would be able to hear him.

     “No. Is that better?” I said in sotto voce.

     “Carol, there is something wrong with the line. You need to shout out a bit,” shrieked Stuart. The town five miles away could no doubt hear him. There was nothing for it. I would have to talk in a normal voice.

     “That’s better,” he announced when I replied again. “Now, here’s Veronica. She’s very excited to hear from you. Just wait for the intro and then Veronica will be with you live on air...”

I waited. There was music and Veronica could be heard preparing the audience for the big interview.

     “Hello Carol, thank you for being here all the way from the United Kingdom.”

     The interview began. Veronica chatted merrily about my novel and how it had made her laugh. I was, for a short while, superfluous to events, apart for the odd grunt of acknowledgement, then she got on to the serious stuff. “So, what do you do if your man is suffering from Irritable Male Syndrome?” I launched into my spiel about making them laugh as often as possible and keeping the mood light. I got into my stride and was happily explaining how grumpy old men just need understanding when the door to my office flew open clattering against the wall.

     “What the **@?! Are you doing?” thundered Hubby at full volume. “Are you on that b!**@^ internet again?” he screeched. “Do you have any idea what time it is? It's 3.30 in the morning. You are out of your mind. S@**ing internet. You're addicted to it. You are completely deranged. You'll have even baggier eyes. Get back to bed... now,” he growled loudly and stomped off back to the bedroom.

I could hear the confusion in Veronica’s voice. She and all her listeners had heard every word. The line went dead as someone, no doubt Stuart, decided to pull the plug on the show.

I have a feeling that, unlike Radio Stoke, that is one show won’t be invited back on.